


wedding vows and heartache

by orphan_account



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Cheating, F/M, M/M, Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-01
Updated: 2014-03-01
Packaged: 2018-01-14 00:46:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1246408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nothing goes the way Luhan expected it to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	wedding vows and heartache

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this is my first fic and im rlly bad at tagging things, writing summaries and writing notes but whatever

The small chapel dived everyone with its stained-glass windows in a soft, bright light. She was beautiful in her white wedding dress.  
His suit fit perfectly, it was customization . His present to him.

They were smiling at each other now, appearing to be happy, but just about an hour ago everything was different.  
An hour ago,he wanted to cancel it all and just disappear. But Luhan's a good best friend, always has been, he's not letting Sehun ruin his life. Never.

-

"I can't do it, Luhan!"

"Excuse me?", Luhan stared at him in disbelief.

"I-I'm not ready yet and her parents don't like me anyways!", Sehun was beginning to get worked up over something Luhan didn't even know excisted in the first place.

"Get yourself together, Oh Sehun! What are you even talking about?"

They're standing in a small room next to the chapel and Sehun's freaking out.  
  
"I'm not good enough for her and they're right!", he said and rubbed his eyes. Was he crying?

"Don't be ridiculous. The way you are, you are perfect. They couldn't wish for something better.", Luhan said,trying to calm him down.

Sehun looked into his eyes with this strange look he's had for days.

"If she wasn't pregnant", pause, "i wouldn't even have asked."

"What?!", Luhan didn't even know she was pregnant.

"I don't want to marry her, she's not the one for me. I don't even like her!"

Well, that's new.

"You've been together for four years,Sehun, you can't tell me that you don't love her.", Luhan tried to remind him.

"I wanted to break up, the feelings aren't there any more. I fell in love with someone else. But then she told me that she was pregnant. What else should i've done?"

"You shouldn't have proposed to her.."

Sehun sighed and paced the room up and down, it drove Luhan crazy.

"Well, who are you in love with if it's not her?"

Sehun blushed.

"You wouldn't believe me anyway"

"Come on,tell me."

"But i-it's not a woman…", Sehun said and looked at Luhan, and there it was again, this _look_.

"You're in love with a _man_?", Luhan asked and it came out harsher than he intended to. It pains him to see the look on Sehun's face, because some years ago he would've been happy to hear that, but now? 

"yes..", he answered quietly and his voice quivered with disappointment.

Sehun avoided Luhan's eyes now.

"Are you even sure? You've been in love with her after all, how is that even possible?"

  
"Luhan, i'm sure. I'm not sure how it happened, suddenly i just knew that it was how it is."

  
It's horrible to know that there's a chance of someone having the same feelings for you and you can't do anything. Aren't allowed to.

"I didn't think you could suprise me like this after fifteen years of friendship.", Luhan said dryly

"I didn't choose this! Why can't understand me?"

"I understand you, Sehun, but you've got a bride who's waiting for you, who's also pregnant from you. Your whole family is here, all your friends, who traveled all the way here for this.", said Luhan and grabbed Sehun by his shoulders, the whole running around thing made him crazy.

Sehun looked at him sadly, and Luhan felt bad, he's never seen him like this.

"But i love you", it should've come like a shock to Luhan, but it didn't. The 'I love you, too' was on the tip of his tongue but he kept his mouth shut.

"Did you hear what i said?" he asked and grabbed Luhan by the collar of his shirt.

"I'd rather not", Luhan answered.

Sehun seemed unfazed by this and must've seen it written all over Luhan's face that he didn't mean what he said.

Sehun was always good at reading his emotions like an open book.

He pulled Luhan to him and Luhan waited so long for this exact moment to happen and he would've given up everything to reciprocate his kiss.

Luhan only enjoyed Sehun's lips on his for a few seconds, enjoyed the soft feeling of them and how they seemed to fit together perfectly, then he pushed him away with full strength.

"Are you crazy?" Luhan shouted angrily, even though he really wasn't, not at Sehun anyway, at himself, yes.

"If you do that again i'm going to punch you in the face, do you understand?", if Luhan judged the look on Sehun's face, he was breaking his heart at this very moment. Luhan felt bad, so bad, but it was better this way.

He saw how Sehun tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't lie to me, we both now that you're not."

Sehun let his arms fall to the side and looked at Luhan with the saddest look he's ever seen on him.

"You're right, I'm not sorry, but what should i do?"

"Step out of this room and marry her. That'd be a good start. After all, you've been the one who got into this mess so you have to get through it now"

"Why do you choose now to be like this to me?", Sehun asked and his voice broke.

"I only want the best for you."

And that was true. Luhan didn't want him to blame himself when she would deny him to see his child, Luhan's sure that she would. Especially if him and Sehun were a pair, it wouldn't have a good end. Life just wasn't a Lovestory with a Happy Ending.

When Sehun told Luhan about the engagement, he was determined to convince him that she wasn't the right for him. But he was a coward and didn't do it, because it wasn't garunteed that he wouldn't loose Sehun forever.

And now, everything was too late. She wasn't a bad person and Luhan didn't want her to be hurt, especially not when she carried Sehun's baby in her.

"The best for me? That's standing in front of me right now and is rejecting me.." it was barely a whisper but Luhan heard it anyway.

"What am i supposed to do, Sehun? I don't have any feelings for you.", Luhan wanted to shove the words right back into his throat as soon as they've left his mouth, maybe choke on them, too, because he definitely deserved it right now. He can't even imagine how bad this sounded to Sehun, it even hurt himself so much.

Sehun took a deep breath and looked like he was trying to collect himself.

"Ok...okay.", he said and straightened his suit.

He tried not to look at Luhan.

"Whatever, as soon as we're going through that door, this never happened."

The only problem, however, was that when Sehun cried you saw it right away, no matter how hard Luhan would try to forget everything, one look at him and he'd remember that it actually happened.

"I'm going now, you shouldn't be here too long anymore either.", Luhan explained on his way to the door.

Luhan felt Sehun's grip on his arm, holding him back.

"C-can't you at least reciprocate my kiss one time?"

"Sehun, n-"

Sehun cuts him off.

"Please! Only this one time and i swear i'll just get over this then!"

"Do you really think this will make it easier?"

"Please, Luhan."

Sehun looked like he was drowning, gripping onto every straw to save himself.

"Just this one time and then, never again.", agreed Luhan eventually.

Sehun let go of Luhan's arm and moved closer to him, his heart started beating faster and faster by the second.

Luhan tried to ignore it.

"And you really aren't going to punch me?"

"If you're keeping your tongue in your mouth, then no, i won't."

Even though Luhan really hoped that Sehun just ignored the warning, he had to say it.

Sehun laid his hand on Luhan's neck and softly moved him closer, like he's afraid of him breaking or slipping through his fingers like sand. 

 

As their lips met Luhan felt as though thousands of little strikes of lightening were flying through his body and eventually made a tingle creep all over his skin. He tried to reciprocate the kiss as restrained as possible but as Sehun's tongue brushed over his lip and entered his mouth he just went along with it.

The kiss got more heated by the second and Sehun pushed Luhan against one of the two swing doors.

As Sehun began to slowly loosen Luhan's tie, Luhan pushed him with gentle firmness away from him. He straightened his tie and didn't look at him.

"When we leave this room this never happened. Those were your words, hold on to them." said Luhan and grabbed for the door handle, pulled the other one of the both swing doors open und slipped into the small corridor in front of the chapel.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Luhan felt as though everyone who saw him knew what he'd done, but he was imagining that, how would they know anway? 

He walked down the small aisle up to the front and stood on the side of the bridegroom, after all he was Sehun's best man.

Sehun took a little more time to show up but he beamed like the happiest man on earth when he finally arrived at his spot, just barely a meter away from Luhan.

His smile was fake and everyone who truly knew him, knew that. Baekhyun was already looking at Luhan quite weirdly.

The music set in and every guest stood up as  _she_ walked down the aisle, her father next to her.

Luhan had to admit that she was pretty, not extraordinary pretty, but nice to look at. She was probably the ideal type of girl to a lot of guys. Just not to him and apparently not to Sehun either.

Her father gave her over to Sehun und pulled back her veil to give her a kiss on the forehead. Then he sat down next to her mother, who was already crying.

 

 

-

 

 

And now they're giving each other their wedding vows. 

If the things that happened earlier didn't happen, Luhan may have bought it, may have believed the romantic lines he was telling her. He'd memorised them after all, knew every single word. 

"I love you", Sehun said to her but Luhan didn't believe him, he once again looked at the families and friends of the pair and noticed baekhyun with knitted eyebrows.

He obviously caught the lie too.

The pastor ended the ceremony after they both exchanged their rings, her maid of honor and Luhan had to sign a document to signifant the marriage in front of witnesses. For a brief moment Luhan actually forgot what he's supposed to do with the pen in his hand. Then he did what he was used to for years, sign. 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

The year after the marriage flew by fast, faster than Luhan thought it would. Sehun's little daughter, Hyori, was three months old by now and he really was made for being a father, Luhan believed that Sehun loved her more than anything else in this world.

She was adorable, she had Sehun's eyes and you could already see little curls growing on her head, she was probably going to grow up as pretty as her mother.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Luhan was now sitting in the married couple's house to see his goddaughter, she was sitting in a small baby chair right in the middle of the kitchen.

"The five hours of labor pains at least paid off.",  _she_ said as Hyori's little fingers tried to grab Luhan's index finger.

"Definitely. She's incredibly cute.", Luhan replied while he tickled the little girl's belly and she started giggling.

"You can hold her if you want, you're her godfather after all.", she said smiling.

"I don't know, i'm afraid of dropping her."

Hyori bounced in her seat and smiled at both of them.

"Then sit down on the couch and i'll hand her over to you."

She lifted the little girl out of her seat and Luhan sat down, then she placed Hyori in his arms and showed him how to hold her head.

He was now holding the reason why he couldn't be happy in his arms and still, he couldn't be mad, how could he? He already loved her too much.

The little one yawned and put her thumb in her mouth seconds after.

"I think she's tired", said Luhan with a half-smile.

"10 points to you, Luhan. Give her to me, i'll bring her to bed.", Sehun said eventually. 

Sehun didn't really participate in the conversations at all when Luhan was over.

He carefully took the girl out of Luhan's arms and their hands brushed. Luhan would be lying if he said he didn't love him anymore.

"Can i come with you?", asked Luhan and surprised himself with it. 

Sehun didn't look too happy but  _she_ would probably ask what's up if Sehun said no.

"Sure."

 

Luhan followed him to Hyori's room, it was beautiful, like the rest of the apartment.

For a while Sehun just walked up and down the room, rocked her slowly and hummed quietly. Eventually, Hyori fell asleep, he carefully laid her down into the bed and covered her with her blanket.

"I never thought that someone like you could produce something as beautiful as her." Luhan said jokingly but Sehun obviously didn't take it the right way.

If the the look on his face was anything to go by.

"What's that supposed to mean? Is that supposed to be funny? Do you think it's funny to play with my feelings?" asked Sehun quietly and offended.

"I thought we didn't talk about that anymore?", Luhan blurted out. It wasn't fair, after all, it was Sehun who set the condition.

"Maybe it'd be better if we did talk about it!"

"About what exactly? About you being in love with me? Or about me not being in love with you?"

"You can tell me as much as you want but you don't kiss someone like  _that_ if you don't feel anything!"

Sehun's voice was getting louder and Luhan made sure to check if Hyori was still sleeping. She was.

"It doesn't matter! You're married and you've got a child!", Luhan said.

"Because of you! If you would've been honest with me back then i wouldn't be married!"

"But Hyori would be still be here and you probably wouldn't be able to see her...", Luhan argued and Sehun took a deep breath to calm down.

"How would you know?"

" _She's_ homophobic." Luhan said dryly. It was the truth.

"Bullshit, i would know that about my own wife."

"She told me, Sehun. She doesn't like gays."

"That's what she said?", he wanted to know, he still seemed like he didn't want to believe it.

"To say it in her words "I hate those disgusting gays."

"What?"

Sehun only seemed to understand the matter of the situation now, if he wanted to see his daughter he couldn't come out.

"We should leave Hyori's room. I don't want to wake her up.", said Luhan and Sehun went ahead to another room.

The apartment had a lot of those, rooms that is.

As soon as Luhan closed the door Sehun sighed.

"And now?", he asked.

"We just go on like before.", Luhan answered shrugging but Sehun shook his head.

"No, i could barely do it before, let alone now!"

"What do you think about doing then? Do you want to divorce?"

"No."

"Then i have no idea what you're thinking about."

"It's not fair.", said Sehun and started walking around again, like the day of the marriage.

"I want you."

Luhan looked down and tried to get his heartbeat under control.

"I'm afraid that's not going to happen in this life.", he said weakly.

"But i don't want to wait! It's driving me insane to see you but not being able to have you!."

Just thinking about it broke Luhan's heart, not seeing him, not talking to him. Let alone not seeing Hyori.

"Stop talking bullshit!"

Sehun stopped walking and looked at Luhan with knitted eyebrows.

"Sehun, i don't know what i could do either."

"But if you walk completely out of my life i wouldn't be able to bear it."

That makes two of them, Luhan thought.

 

-

 

It would be the truth if Luhan said that he didn't know how they eventually ended up naked on the couch, he just knew that it was an eerily intoxication of feelings that pulled him right into it.

Yes, they did sleep together but Luhan didn't feel any guilt when he thought about Sehun still being married and  _her_ loving him. He was sure it would come sooner rather than later though.

Now, it just matterd that it was a wonderful feeling to lie next to Sehun and let him run his fingers through his hair.

Someone knocks on the door and Luhan's heart skipped a beat, or two he's not sure.

"Are you in there?",  _she_ asked, the door was still closed. _  
_

"Yes, don't come in though we're busy.", said Sehun. Luhan would've been suspicious after hearing something like that but she seemed to just take it.

"Alright, i'm cooking now, are you coming down soon,too?"

"Yes!"

Guilt shot through Luhan's whole body, he sat up and ran his hand over his face.

"It's not okay what we just did."

Sehun was still lying on the couch, totally relaxed and not caring about anything, looking Luhan up and down, just like Luhan looked him up and down.

Luhan noticed the hickey he gave Sehun and blushed a deep shade of red.

"I found it more than okay.",said Sehun und smirked at Luhan.

"Don't you feel guitly?"

"No. Why would i? I don't feel anything towards her. Do you know how often i'm in this room? Every day, just so i don't have to see her. The only reason i'm still here is Hyori."

Luhan felt sorry  _her,_ she probably blamed herself for his distance.

"What do you mean was the reason she didn't come in here? I forbid her to do so."

"And what will you do if she sees the hickey?"

"She won't."

It was depressing Luhan a little that he was so sure of that.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Six months passed and Hyori could already say some word yes, no, mama, papa.

She was also already walking a bit, which looked impossibly cute but caused her mother a lot of stress.

Sehun and Luhan have had an affair for half a year now, Luhan's guilt wasn't as present as it was in the beginning anymore.

 

- 

 

They held a barbecue party with all of their friends and Luhan was in the kitchen to get himself another beer from the fridge when  _she_ started talking to him.

"Luhan..", she began, nervously staring down at her hands.

"Yes?", Luhan said and turned around to face her.

"Do you...i know this might sound stupid,but...does Sehun have another girl?", she asked.

And that, of all people, Luhan.

He wanted to answer just when she started talking again.

"I mean, you're his best friend, did he tell you something?"

"No, he doesn't have another girl.", Luhan said eventually, it was the truth Sehun didn't have another  _girl,_ he felt bad anyway.

"It's just that the last time we...you know, slept together was before Hyori's birth."

It felt wrong to be happy about the fact that Sehun was faithful to him.

"Not even in your wedding night?"

She looked down at her hands again.

"He was tired and so was i, so i didn't really think about it."

"And after that?"

"I was pregnant. And then Hyori was there and i wouldn't have wanted it anyway. But now? His kisses are also rare. Did he really not tell you anything?"

He did, Luhan thought, but he's certainly not going to repeat that.

"No. Maybe it's all going to change soon.", he said eventually and took a sip from the beer still in his hands.

"Maybe you're right and i'm just too sensible. I'm probably just overreacting.", said she.

"Hm.", it was the only thing he could respond because she actually waited long with her assumption. Anyone else would've been suspicious earlier.

She went outside again and made her way over to Sehun, who was currently taking care of the food, said something and moved closer to him for a kiss. But he just kissed her forehead.

Luhan could see the sad smile that lingered on her lips for a few moments clearly. He saw how Sehun waved Chanyeol over to him and handed him the food, then he came into the kitchen.

"What are you doing in here?", Sehun asked and he held up the bottle of beer.

"Are you going to get drunk by yourself?"

"Actually, i just wanted to get another beer but your wife just made me a little thoughtful..."

"I don't want you to be calling her that."

"But she is just that, Sehun!", Luhan hissed, Sehun's insensibility towards her made him angry. She didn't deserve it, him deceiving her like that.

"What's making you so angry? What did she say?", Sehun asked blankly.

"She asked me if you had another girl."

"Yeah, that's not true."

"But you're cheating on her and i don't think i can do this anymore!"

Sehun moved closer and trapped Luhan between him and the kitchenette.

"You just want to give everything up now?", he asked and kissed Luhan.

"Pa-pa.", a little voice said and someone grabbed at Luhan's pants. 

Luhan flinched away from Sehun, and so did he.

Hyori stood next to them and looked at them with big eyes, Luhan just hoped that she forgot this before she was old enough to understand.

"Hey, princess!", said Sehun and took her in his arms. "What are you doing her all by yourself?", he asked and tickled her lightly, making her turn around in his arms.

Sehun was already halfway out of the door when Luhan answered.

"Yes."

He came to an abrupt halt and looked at Luhan.

" _She_ doesn't deserve this.", he explained.

"You notice that now?"

"No, but now that she's got an assumption we should stop."

It hurt Luhan to give up their time together but he was so afraid of her finding out, that wasn't worth it.

Sehun put Hyori down and pointed to  _her._ "Look there's your mama, go over to her."  _  
_

The little girl laughed and walked away.

Sehun came back in and told Luhan to follow him, Luhan knew they would be in Sehun's room soon when they were going up the stairs.

Sehun locked the door behind him. Just in case, apparently.

"Why?", Sehun wanted to know.

"I feel sorry for her, Sehun."

"Now? All of a sudden?"

"No, but now i know that you just leave her hanging. Are you aware of the fact that she loves you? Or does that not matter to you?"

"If i'm being honest, i don't care. I don't have any feelings for her anymore, not even pity."

"But why not?"

"She's fucking our neighbour so she shouldn't act up like this." 

Luhan looked at him in shock.

"She obviously didn't tell you that or?"

"No.", Luhan said and then "How do you know?"

"I came home one day and saw them in the living room. I turned around and drove to you. That was also the day i started to not care anymore."

 "But...that isn't even a real marriage anymore. Maybe it'd really be better if you broke up."

"And Hyori's becoming a child of divorced parents?"

"Sehun, it can't just go on like this because of that."

"I don't see any reason as to why i should end this, everyone has what they want. She's got her lover-"

"And you've got yours, i get it, Sehun.", Luhan said annoyed.

"That's not what i mean and you know it, Luhan!"

"yeah? Do i?" 

This whole situation made Luhan angry.

"I love you and you know that i'd leave her but Hyori's still so little, i can't just go."

"I should've just left from the start. What if she finds out? You'll never see Hyori again!", said Luhan and saw the slightly hurt look in his eyes.

"She's not going to find out.", Sehun said and it sounded final.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

In the evening they were sitting in a small round in the living room, Hyori has long been in bed and everyone has had a little bit more alcohol than was really necessary.

"You know Luhan, i never understood why you still haven't got someone, the women have got to be standing in line for you!",  _she_ said smirking, the glass of wine in her right hand slightly swinging around.

Chanyeol started laughing and Luhan knew what he was about to say.

"Too bad that our Luhan here would prefer a line of men!"

He probably didn't even realise what he's just done, probably thought it wasn't bad. 

"Excuse me?", she said coldly and Chanyeol stopped laughing.

"Luhan is gay.", said Chanyeol shrugging. He didn't care what others prefered and didn't understand what was so bad about that statement now.

"Nice to hear about that here! Did you know about that?", she hissed at Sehun and Luhan just unnoticable shook his head when he turned to him.

"No.", Sehun said and Luhan wanted to breathe properly again but her head snapped in his direction.

"Luhan i think you should go.", she said dryly and looked spitefully at him.

"What's this about now?!", asked Chanyeol, looking at her uncomprehensibly.

"It's alright.", Luhan said and got up, what was he supposed to do? Let Sehun handle the despisement? Never.

"You don't need to come back anymore." she added and Luhan gulped even though he should've seen it coming.

"You're just going to let this happen, Sehun? Just because your wife is homophobic your best friend isn't allowed to come her anymore?", Chanyeol asked, not quite believing the scene in front of him.

Luhan looked at his best friend, his lover and saw it written all over his face what he wanted to say. Don't do it Sehun, don't say it. No matter how hard Luhan tried to somehow send his thoughts over to Sehun's brain, it didn't seem to work.

"You know what?", Sehun looked at his wife angrily and then "I think you should pack your things and leave."

"What?! Because of a fag?", with that, she unknowingly hurt Sehun too. 

In a matter of seconds he was standing in front of her and she looked up to him, afraid.  
  
"Because you're fucking our neighbour, you're insulting my best friend and you're taking me for a fool!", 

"And now pack your fucking bags and leave!", he screamed at her.

"I'm going to take Hyori with me!"

"She'll stay here! This is my house, i've got a stable income and my daughter will damn well stay with me!"

Her eyes started to fill up with tears but Luhan couldn't feel any sympathy for her anymore.

"But...but..-"

"No buts, i want you to be gone in the next thirty minutes!"

Luhan has known Sehun for so many years now but he's never seen him this angry.

 

 

  
  
-

 

 

 

Luhan was standing in the kitchen and took a beer out of the fridge when he heard Chanyeol's voice for the first time after  _she_ slammed the door shut.

"How did you know that she cheated on you?"

"Caught her.", Sehun sounded emotionless, so tired, just like Luhan felt.

"Didn't you ask her about it?"

"Why would i?", he didn't want to have this conversation. Chanyeol seemed to notice that,too.

"I think i'll get going now, it's late.", Luhan heard him say and soon after looked into the kitchen.

"Be well Luhan.", Chanyeol looked kind off concerned.

"You too!" said Luhan and tried to smile at him. Even though he had gotten the whole thing rolling, it wasn't his fault that their lives were like this. Chanyeol tried to return it but failed and soon disappeared out of Luhan's sight.

 

For some reason, Luhan didn't want to be with Sehun, he felt good in the kitchen, all by himself.

He heard Sehun approach though and then he was standing in the doorway.

"I didn't think that the problem would be solved so fast.", he said and Luhan felt Sehun's eyes on his body, more than actually seeing them.

"You've got one more problem though, she'll probably request the child custody."

"Let her, she'll lose."

"Why are you so sure?", Luhan wanted to know.

"I've got the better counselor, a stable job that i can do when i'm at home and nobody knows that i've also cheated on her. She's the stupid one in all these points."

"But she's the mother. The mothers always get the child custody."

"Not this time."

Luhan wasn't so sure but in the moment Sehun pulled him close and kissed him his thoughts got pushed into the back of his head.

No hiding anymore.

 

 

  
  
-

 

 

To be honest, Luhan never thought that Sehun would get the child custody but the judge decided for him,  _she_ would be able to see her daughter every two weeks at the weekend, would even get her every six months for a week, provided that she's got a room for the little girl.

  
Luhan still couldn't quite believe what happened when Sehun threw himself into his arms.

Maybe their life would be happier after all? Without heartache, cheating and affairs.

**Author's Note:**

> wow there was a lot of speech but yeah please leave comments and kudos i'd rlly appricate it, thanks for reading ily


End file.
